Miscellaneous Rumbles

Life Explained

1

On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

And God said that it was good.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."

The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"

And God again said that it was good.

On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said “That's kind of hard to want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

And God agreed it was good.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said, “Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

But the human said, “Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. Finally, for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service.

If you are looking for me I will be on the front porch!

Hey you! Get off my lawn!

3

Best explanation of life I ever heard was credited to poet W.H. Auden:

4

I give the initial post a strong A-, which is very good.

I give the second post with the computer photo a B-. Many of those knobs on bottom should be cracked, chipped, broken off and discolored more. That would have received a solid A+!

...I read with anticipation!

6

Some four billion plus years ago, a wayward band of ancient aliens is seen passing by our fledgling Earth looking for a place to make a quick potty stop.

They land on a conveniently calm tidal pool of standing chemically potential primordial soup waiting for a catalyst, and find themselves bombarded by energetic ultraviolet rays.

"This place is no fun at all!" they say to one another, as they relieve themselves, empty their full holding tanks, and rapidly depart for greener pastures.

7

Some four billion plus years ago, a wayward band of ancient aliens is seen passing by our fledgling Earth looking for a place to make a quick potty stop.

They land on a conveniently calm tidal pool of standing chemically potential primordial soup waiting for a catalyst, and find themselves bombarded by energetic ultraviolet rays.

"This place is no fun at all!" they say to one another, as they relieve themselves, empty their full holding tanks, and rapidly depart for greener pastures.

– F107plus5

Oh---a cosmic crap. That explains it all.

8

This is another way to explain life:

– charlie chitlins

Someone actually had these rack panel fillers for sale a few years ago. Basically a "do-nothing" panel with bogus knobs and switches that were made to hide gaping holes in audio equipment racks, all with a humorous bent to them.


Register Sign in to join the conversation