Miscellaneous Rumbles

How to teach your children well

1

Recently, while I was working in the flower beds in the front yard, my neighbors stopped to chat as they returned home from walking their dog. During our friendly conversation, I asked their little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up.

She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, "If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?" She replied... "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people."

Her parents beamed with pride! "Wow...what a worthy goal!" I said. "But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that!" I told her. "What do you mean?" she replied.

So I told her, "You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and trim my hedge, and I'll pay you $50. Then you can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house."

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?"

I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party."

Her parents aren't speaking to me anymore.

2

Great lesson. Either way, I think the true American way is to wait until the homeless guy gets the $50 and then steal it from him. !#$@%

4

If this economy doesn't get better pretty soon I'll come over and do the work in your yard Jeff. 50 bucks and a cold drink of water sounds good to me.

5

Is there a political party that will use my $50 to get the homeless guy back on his psych meds and into some substance abuse treatment? Those seem to be the foundations that help him keep the job doing your lawn. I got a good smirk out of the joke, but I would hope we're all grown up enough to realize that there are social ills bigger than "pulling one's self up by the bootstraps" will allow.

6

Since you went there...

Q: How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Get your own freaking light bulb!

And btw, the real republican response would be for the little girl to take your $50, based on her crony connection to you, and then hire the desperate homeless guy to do the work for $15.

7

I don't think this is going to end well...

8

I don't think this is going to end well...

– Bear85

You took the words right out of my . . . fingertips!

9

this didn't happen. Sorry Jeff, but I don't buy it. Real neighbors would have already known not to expose children to the creepy man next door.

10

Of course it didn't happen. It was posted on facebook. But someone keeps callin' me a troll so I'm trying to live up to their expectations.

11

You lost me at "I was working in the flower beds"

12

Great, Now I have to make popcorn and grab a beer :).

13

Well when the little girl went over to the homeless guy and said "I'll give you 50 bucks if you come over and mow the lawn" He said, "Well I would...except I'm a veteran...and due to repeated deployments to an illegal war started in Iraq by a fking republican...I have severe post traumatic stress disorder and the VA ain't worth a damn and I can barely afford my medication...and the sounds of the lawn mower remind me of the suicide bomber on the motorcycle who drove up to my checkpoint and detonated himself...otherwise I'd do the work...by the way if I was able to do the work...that $50 dollars...you're not going to tax a third of it and send the taxes I paid to fund some illegal covert operation to overthrow a democratically elected official in a banana republic which will go to shit and then lead to more poor white, black, and brown AMerican kids fighting for some bullshit are ya?...just wonderin!"

14

I'm out of this one. See you down the line.

15

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?"

So I replied, "For goodness sake, little girl, I was trying to give you motivation to get your first job. I didn't know I was going to get into a political and philosophical quagmire."

16

What about the danger of hayfever to that kid from the flower bed?!? Where's Health and Safety when you need them? Is the mower child-approved for operation? ;-)

17

Wouldn't the homeless guy jeopardize his disability status if he worked for pay?

18

I'm with Mr. Trouble...why don't Obama do something useful and bring our boys home!

I knew Trouble was a republican.

20

I'm hijacking this thread because I'm the king of useless info....actually pretty cool fact:

Born in 1790 and the 10th President of the United States, John Tyler has 2 grandchildren alive today.....Lyon Gardiner Tyler Jr.(88) & Harrison Tyler(84)

This means a guy who was born less than 1 full year after Washington became the 1st President, has 2 grandsons still alive, one of which was too young to have been drafted for service in WWII. That means that at the stroke of midnight, there will be 2 men whose granddaddy was born exactly 222 years ago. A man who became vice president with one of the most famous campaign slogans(Tippecanoe and Tyler too) in history in 1840 and then the prez within a month, and was the first President in history to have impeachment proceedings against him has 2 direct descendants only 2 generations removed in 2012.

I brag that my granddaddy made homemade peach ice cream while these 2 guys can claim that that their grandpa got Texas for the U.S. and hustled John Quincy Adams in a game of billiards. I find this kind of thing cool. Of course I also eat at the Bridge Cafe in NYC because it is the oldest establishment in the city and I think I'll see paranormal activity.....aside from having a great Buffalo steak. Kinda geeky, yup.

Back to politics: I like both Springsteen and Nugent.

21

Higgledy Piggledy, Benjamin Harrison. Twenty-third president was, and as such, served between Clevelands, and save for this trivial idiosyncrasy, didn't do much.

Gotta support a good hijacking.

22

I like cheese. I could say so much here but I won't. Can I get extra butter with my popcorn?

23

Typical that for the conservatives the story ends there, and typical for liberals to come up with the worst case scenario to try and prove it wrong.

24

Typical for someone to try and sound smart by calling other people typical. Tiring indeed.

25

I have a bomb and I'm taking this thread to Cuba! Viva La Revolution!


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